<FONT COLOR="#FF0033"><B>Guest Article:</B></FONT> Please hold the line, sir

These days, banks are very ‘caring’ and ‘loving’, almost a part of our family. Or we are a part of their family. There are managers who will ‘manage’ our relationships. But the road to our hearts is a long way off

R Unny

BridgeOverTw.com

October 12

“…Thank you for holding the line… You are a valuable customer… Please hold the line while we transfer you to a customer care executive… You are a valuable customer…….” It was the eighth time this cycle was repeating. Actually, I had forgotten my 22-digit easy-to-remember relationship identification number. And that’s why I had to wait on the line and kept being reminded that I am a valuable customer.

These days, banks are very ‘caring’ and ‘loving’, almost a part of our family. Or we are a part of their family. There are managers who will ‘manage’ our relationships. There are technologies which help them remember our birthdays, anniversaries and, perhaps, even the day of our first date. All we need to do is to always remember our easy-to-remember relationship numbers or x-pins (there are a variety of them: H-pins, T-pins, I-pins, safety pins and more).

Brand specialists, creative honchos and account directors work overtime, helping banks tell us how much they care for us. They write baselines that touch our heart and expect us to rush to open a new account or get that hassle-free personal loan which makes that dream vacation to the moon affordable. The logo with 8½ colours has distinct meaning and purpose, each colour conveying the values, the dynamism, the caring nature, the warmth and many more, all of which are as abstract to you and me as the theory of relativity. Gone are the days of ‘Banking since 1648’. Now it is (supposedly) all about an emotional touch. From ‘We understand your world to ‘Main hoo na!’ to ‘Hum hai na!’, all are vying for a place in our hearts. Sample this. ‘Hassle-free Trade Accounts. Because We Care – Dil Se’ Oh boy! We are deeply touched. Copy writing never had it so good!

But the road to our hearts is a long way off. That’s what our experience confirms. Not wanting to miss out from being part of the emerging, young and vibrant India, we decided to invest some money in mutual funds. Doing it for the first time, we wanted someone to explain to us the various options and help us in doing this prudently. The first choice obviously was our own bank. The website did not have much information. The cheque book had a leaf on which we could tick the products/services we were interested in and drop off at the nearest ATM/branch. One morning, while going for a routine walk, I dropped the leaf off at the nearest ATM, with a tick on the mutual funds column. Till now, more than two months later, there is no response from the bank. ‘Solutions for a lifetime’ or ‘A lifetime for solutions’?

Meanwhile, not wanting to get swayed or biased by a lone sales executive, we approached two other banks. The second was a multinational bank. We sent a two-letter SMS to a four-digit number. Within two days, we received a call asking for our office and residence addresses and were informed that we would get a call to fix a personal meeting. After a month’s wait for the elusive call, we walked into the bank’s branch, near our house. Promptly received by a customer care executive, we were given a brochure and asked to wait if we wanted to meet someone personally. We waited for 15 minutes. Since both of us had to go to office, the executive collected our contact details and promised us that the sales officer would call on us the following day. Almost a month since the visit to the bank, we are waiting for his call and visit. I empathise. It is not easy being the local bank for the whole world.

The third was an Indian private sector bank. This time again, it was a two-letter SMS to a four-digit number. We received a thank you message and no response after that, it’s more than a month now. It’s ok. I understand their world.

Yet, we make an earnest effort to recite the 22-digit number every day morning so that we learn it by heart and feel good that we are valuable customers to our banks. Meanwhile, the money kept for the mutual fund finds its way to our PPF account in a state bank.

(The writer is head, client engagements and media, BridgeOverTw.com, the online advertising agency. You can write to him at unny@bridgeovertw.com)

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