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Abbreviations in the radio industry increase in direct proportion to the list of things that the industry needs to get done. A tongue-in-cheek interpretation of some of those abbreviations
Disclaimer: This article is the personal opinion of the author; and is to be read with a sense of humour. It does not, in any way, reflect negatively on any 'person' or any 'body', real or imaginary.
IRF: Indoor Recreational Function
You book a hall and some space in a hotel, preferably indoors; have one function in the morning and one in the evening; get some people from abroad to add to the recreational vibe; and it's all pretty. People come. People go. Nothing gets done. But you can call it by a largish name and then abbreviate it; and fewer people fall for it every year.
Action rating: 1 out of 10, because it happens once a year; and then repeats itself without remorse.
AROI: A Regulatory issue Omitted Indefinitely
You can attempt everything else; but make sure you omit action on a key regulatory issue from the list of crucial demands to the government. The math is as follows: three years of AROI + one major regulatory issue omitted - no real sops for the industry = Zero profit and no license extension.
Action rating: 3.28 out of 10 (the 0.28 is because there was a lot of effort).
INB: I Never Bother
I gave out licenses; collected my money in advance; collected rent for my infrastructure; music royalty is not my problem. So, I never bother. But now, I pretend to bother; since it's time to make more money from phase 3. I know these radio guys will again give me their money blindfolded (wicked laughter like Vincent Price in the Michael Jackson song, Thriller).
Action rating: 2 out of 10; since phase 3 is yet to be announced. Otherwise, it would be 3 out of 10.
BECIL: Being Everywhere Can Induce Lethargy
It takes time to set up towers everywhere in India. Also, they are such tall towers. And now that phase 2 is over, we are just in perfect time for phase 3. But look how much we have to travel in the 'interim' -- across the country; up and down towers. And we may look lethargic after all that travel; but we are very active, Sir.
Action rating: 3.87 feet
AIR: Ah! I Rule
I have a news monopoly. I pay no license fee. I have no pressure to make profits. I have unparalleled geographical reach. Whatever money the private operators have spent to acquire licenses helps me to go digital. I never bother; only bothers about me.
Action rating: Not needed. They get whatever they want, whenever they want
CTI: Common Tension Initiative
Well, all of us have one tension in common. It's so nice to be able to be on the same transmission site, if not on the same page; moreover, fighting this one together reduces so much stress. It's highly recommended for all players, but make sure you are in the line of sight.
Action rating: 3.5 out of 10 (Chennai gets 0.5).
If you are getting into the groove now, why don't you try IPRS, PPL…the list is endless.
Action is the need of the hour; and there is no abbreviation for that, people! The license period is running out.
(The author is managing director, Radio One.)