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"Hey Siri, can you help me with bots?"

By Naresh Gupta, Bang in the Middle , afaqs! | In Advertising
Last updated : November 09, 2017
A fun piece on the rise of bots.

"Hey Siri, can you help me with bots?"

"You realise I am a bot too, yes?"

Naresh Gupta & DOUBLE & # title= Naresh Gupta

"Oh yes, why do you think I asked you... bots do what they are told."

"I see, you have an opinion about bots, but don't you think the opinion is a bot strong one?"

"Shut up Siri, don't speak too much."

"That's incredibly rude, not cool, don't do it."

"Okay, sorry, can you help me... how can I do marketing with bots?"

"Well, I will forget the jibe you made, and help you... what can I do? Can I make you buy latest trendy clothes?"

"You know I hate to tell the store guy about my size, and my choices; they judge me, can you help me buy?"

"Yes, let me take you to Uniqlo, my bro there will help you buy clothes, size, colours, matches, full nine yards!"

"Uniqlo looks cooler than I thought, they helped me buy just from Facebook; you are awesome Siri. What else can you do? You know, I totally leave it to you."

"I know you want to explore how you look; I can get my sis to look at you and suggest some cool funky styles."

"Can I pass this one? That will be a bit too much, I really don't want to go that way."

"You know the beauty bots who tell you what to match with what are really popular; they do what you humans can never do, give it a go."

"No Siri, now that I have shopped for clothes, I am in party mood... what can you do?"

"I can connect you with the fun and sassy Rose at Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas, she knows the coolest places, she even knows your deepest secrets."

"Can she also fix my friend a date?"

"That's easier then you imagined, you know my bro knows who to match with who; the matches are always successful, he can predict the compatibility, look I found someone for you too. Want to know the match score?"

"Siri, you are dangerous... you know I am married, don't you?"

"You had asked me to shut up, hadn't you? I don't forget easily."

"Now now, I want to be more popular. Can you help me increase my social status?"

"What do you want? More fans on Twitter? More views on posts? More comments on pics? There are millions like me out there who will do this for you.

"They are bots Siri, not real people, I don't want bots as my friends."

"What have you been doing till now? If you don't want bots as friends then I can help you find the right friends. Like I know who your most called friends are. Should I dial any?"

"Thanks Siri, I am happy to have you help me choose the right place to vacation, clean up my pictures, suggest fashion tips, ping me for new books, find the music I like... but please don't call people till I tell you to."

"It was awesome chatting with you. Happy to do what you tell me to do. Have a nice day."

(The author is ‎chief strategy officer and managing partner of Bang in the Middle)

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First Published : November 09, 2017


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